The Caddie (Ep. 712)

Kramer befriends a caddy who helps him improve his golf game and also gives him advice in other areas of his life.  George leaves his car at work and Mr. Steinbrenner thinks he's working extra hard.  Elaine gets upset at former high school friend Sue Ellen Mischke who won't wear a bra, so she gets her one.  Later when Kramer is driving George's car he sees Sue Ellen on the street wearing only the bra and he gets into a wreck.  

Instead of telling George, he just takes it back to Yankee stadium.  Now Mr. Steinbrenner thinks George is missing/dead.  Kramer sues Sue Ellen, but again ruins the lawsuit for Jackie when his caddie suggests that Sue Ellen try on the bra.  But it doesn't fit so the suit is thrown out.

Interesting quote: 

"Are you going to tell your parents you're still alive?" - Jerry

"No, they could use the break." - George

Grade: B

The Rye (Ep. 711)

George has dinner with his family and Susan's family and he's dreading it.  His parents bring a marble rye for dinner, but the Rosses forget to put it out, so Frank takes it back.  Now George needs to find a way to put the marble rye back in the Ross' house.  Kramer is driving a hansom cab for a neighbor while he's out of town.  Elaine is dating a saxophonist, but is disappointed that he "won't do everything."  Later he eventually does everything, but it completely ruins a performance he had for a record company.

George and Jerry comes up with a plan where Kramer will take the Rosses out on a ride in the hansom cab and Jerry will bring a rye for George to put in their house.  All goes smoothly until a lady at the bakery buys the last rye and Jerry has to steal it from her on the street.  Also, Kramer feeds the horse beefareeno, causing it to have gas and ruin the trip.  Later they catch George trying to sneak the marble rye into the house.

Interesting quote: "Let me understand.  You've got the hen, the chicken, and the rooster.  The rooster goes with the chicken.  So who's having sex with the hen?" - Frank Costanza

Grade: A- (Jerry stealing a marble rye from an old lady...awesome!)

World Series thoughts

So I haven't commented on baseball since just shortly after the playoffs started but here we sit in the middle of game 5 of the World Series.  Going into last nights game, Carlos Pena and Evan Longoria were struggling in the Series, but that's not unusual.  It seems to happen to some of the best hitters in just about every World Series.  In '04 Jim Edmonds, with a career AVG. near .300, hit just 1-15.  In '01 Derek Jeter went 4-27.  And Eddie Murphy in 2 Series covering 13 games, hit 6-45 for a .133 AVG.  You know the person is capable, you just wonder if the Series will go long enough for them to break out of the funk.  I think it has for Pena and Longoria, and I think (hope) that is bad news for the Phillies.

Speaking of the Phillies, their fans love to boo.  I swear during the 5 1/2 innings I watched last night that they booed about 10 times for various "reasons."  A Rays player came out of the dugout, a pitch came within 2 feet of one of their precious hitters, Kazmir made a pick-off move to first, Kazmir said something to the ump about pitchers mound turning into a mud pie.  It just never stopped.  One time that they didn't boo, which they should have was when Cole Hamels made about 8 throws over to first base before even throwing a pitch to Carlos Pena in the 6th.

I think this Series is shaping up nicely.  I was very depressed after game 4, but after seeing the Rays hold their own in game 5 and pretty much cancel out a Cole Hamels start I think they'll be okay.  They may not win, but it will be going back to Tampa...thankfully no rain in the Trop.

The Gum (Ep. 710)

George thinks the cashier at Monks purposely shortchanged him and is furious that she won't admit it.  Kramer and Lloyd Braun, who's just been released from a mental institution are fixing up a worn down old theater.  Kramer is doing everything he can to make sure people make Lloyd feel safe.  In doing so, he gets Jerry to wear glasses and chew gum from China town which tastes like Lo Mein.  Later, a former neighbor of George's thinks he is crazy because of all of his accusations of other people and his refusal to take any blame for anything.

Interesting quote: "I think I finally figured out what the flavor is in this gum. It's a little lo-meiny." - Jerry

Grade: B- (It has moments, but even those aren't very good)

NCAA football playoffs (Week 2)

Not many changes in the seeding of the teams, except USC which I felt really hurt itself and UGA which put on an impressive display this week against LSU. Other teams showed to me that they were better than I had originally thought and so there are serious changes in the predictions for the outcome of the games.

The Sponge (Ep. 709)

Elaine learns that her birth control the Today Sponge is being taken off the market and drives all over NYC cleaning stores out of the last remaining product. This causes her to be extra careful about how she uses them. George shares a secret to Susan and she assumes that he's supposed to share all his secrets. They fight and later when they make up, George finds out that she uses the Today Sponge. He goes to Elaine to get one, but she won't give one up.

Jerry gets a girl's phone number off of an AIDS walk list. Kramer joins in on the walk, but refuses to wear the AIDS ribbon. This gets him jumped by the same homosexual guys who stole Elaine's armoire from him.

Quote:
"So you think you're spongeworthy?" - Elaine
"Yes, I'm definitely spongeworthy" - Billy

Grade: B

The Pool Guy (Ep. 708)

Jerry is stalked by the pool guy at the Health Club and he can't get rid of him.  Elaine befriends Susan and all seems fine until George realizes that his two worlds are colliding.  This however all comes to an end when Susan realizes she can't stand spending time with Jerry and Elaine.  Kramer's phone is mixed up with the moviefone number and instead of doing something about it, he plays along with it.

Interesting quote: "A George divided against itself cannot stand." - George

Grade: A- (Kramer playing off the moviefone thing is hilarious)

The Secret Code (Ep. 707)

George gets into a fight with Susan because he refuses to give up his secret code to his ATM card.  Kramer suggests new map routes to the fire department after hearing them get stuck in traffic on his new emergency scanner.  Jerry goes to do a commercial for Leapin' Larry (who has a limp), but offends him when his foot falls asleep and Larry thinks Jerry is making fun of him.  Elaine has a fascination with a guy who can't remember anything about her.

George ends up going to Peterman's mother's deathbed and telling her his code, but then she reveals it right before her death.  This drives Peterman crazy as he's trying to figure out what it means.  Later, George ends up having to give it up to save a man who is trapped in an ATM booth and fire is closing in on him.  The secret code is Bosco, the name of George's favorite brand of chocolate syrup.

Quote: 

"Why can't there be some things just for me?  Is that so selfish? - George

"Actually, that's the definition of selfish." - Jerry

Grade: B- (Only this high for the scene of Kramer driving the fire truck).

The Miserable Ones

So I have begun reading Les Miserables and I can't believe I haven't read this before.  I'm not that far in, but I loved it the second I started reading it.  I am sure there will be many more, but the quote I read today is my favorite so far.

"This is not my house; it is the house of Jesus Christ.  This door does not demand of him who enters whether he has a name, but whether he has a grief.  You suffer, you are hungry and thirsty; you are welcome."

- Bishop Bienvenu

Thought of the day

"What would a blind OCD person be like?" - This comes from the mind of my beautiful wife Kimberly.

Pro-Life voting

This is a tough thing for me to write, it's something I've struggled with for quite some time now.  You have Candidate A who is pro-choice and Candidate B who is pro-life.  In the past I would automatically say that I'm voting for the pro-life candidate, but recently that's not necessarily the case.  What happens when I disagree with so many things that the pro-life candidate is offering?  I have to consider what the pro-life candidate is doing to change abortion.  In my opinion abortion is never going to be outlawed and I don't really think that's the answer anyway.

I don't think abortion is going to ever be changed by politicians.  Nevermind that I don't have a whole lot of faith in politicians to do anything, I believe abortion is a personal issue that needs to be changed in the way of a movement, not a bill that's passed.  I think people's minds need to be changed not the law, otherwise you can change the law, but people will still find a way to have an abortion.  I would rather vote for a candidate that I agree with on most issues, but disagree on one and work personally to change that one, than to vote for someone I mostly disagree with, but agree with on one.

I know this sounded confusing, but it made sense to me.  Please, let's work to lower and hopefully one day eliminate abortion, because the most powerful things in this country come from the people, not the government.  If you don't believe me, check out New Orleans.

The Soup Nazi (Ep. 706)

Jerry, Elaine, and George go to get soup at this soup stand that Kramer has been raving about.  On the way, Elaine sees an armoire for sale and stops to get that, leaving Jerry and George.  When they get there, George complains that he didn't get bread with his soup and gets denied soup.  George also is tired of the baby talk that is going on between Jerry and his girlfriend and is excited when Jerry dumps her to avoid being banned from the soup stand.  Elaine also, not knowing the rules, gets kicked out of the soup stand.

Elaine finds out she can't move her armoire into her building on Sunday, so she gets Kramer to guard it for her.  Unfortunately, he is intimidated by some homosexual street toughs who want it, so they take it.  To make up for it Kramer talks to the Soup Nazi and he gives Kramer an armoire.  When Elaine finds out that it came from the Soup Nazi she goes down to thank him, but he says if he would have known it was for her, he would have smashed it to a million pieces.  She gets revenge though when she finds all of his recipes in one of the drawers of the armoire and she threatens to shut him down.

Interesting quote: "He's not a Nazi, he just happens to be a little excentric.  Most geniuses are." - Kramer

Grade: A- (Very good episode, but a little overhyped, which makes it kind of annoying to me)

State Fair

Kim and I took a wonderful trip to the NC State Fair on Sunday.  If you've never gone, please make the trip, it's definitely worth it.  The food, the rides, the animals, the crops, the tacky exhibits, and even the people make it so interesting.  To me though it's mostly about the food.  Below is a picture of my favorite item of food that I had.

That is a delicious pecan pie, coated in batter, dipped in a fryer, and topped with powdered sugar.  We (I say we because Kim and I shared everything we got) also had roasted corn, deep fried Jalepeno cheddar cheese, and a Philly cheese steak.  Kimberly even made us ride 2 rides, which everyone (including her) knows I hate.  We rode a roller coaster, which I picked, and then the swings, which she picked.  Oooooh, never again!  Lastly, here's a picture that Kim took as we were leaving the Fair.

NCAA football playoffs

So, if you didn't know, then you know now, but I am a strong proponent of NCAA football having a playoff instead of the ridiculous BCS.  It's pretty obvious why...it works well at every other level of college football and also in the college basketball world, so why not in Division 1-A (or FBS)?  For a couple of years now, I have been putting together my own bracket of 16 teams complete with predictions.  For my bracket, I pick the 11 division winners, plus 5 at-large teams and then I seed them based on my opinion of their strength.  I usually start this when the first BCS is released and then update it on a week-by-week basis.  So here is week 1, enjoy and feel free to disagree.

Sorry it's so small, I can't figure out how to make it any larger, but if you click on it, it should bring it up larger on your screen.

The Hot Tub (Ep. 705)

Elaine has a marathon runner coming in to stay with her while he's running the NY Marathon.  He overslept for his race in the Olympics 4 years earlier and Jerry is worried he'll do it again.  Kramer buys a hot tub, but then his heat pump blows and he falls asleep in the freezing cold water, messing up his body temp.  He buys a new high powered heat pump, but this short circuits the electricity in the building causing Jean-Paul, who is staying at Jerry's, to oversleep again.  George entertains some executives from the Houston Astros.

Interesting quote:

"What happened to your mental alarm?" - Jerry

"I must have hit the snooze." - Kramer

Grade: B+ (George with the Astros execs is good fun television)

The Wink (Ep. 704)

Jerry is on a new health food diet and while eating a grapefruit, squirts George in the eye with some pulp.  This causes George to constantly wink, making several people think he's winking at them.  This causes Kramer to think that he agrees to sell a birthday card for George Steinbrenner that has been signed by the entire organization.  To get it back he promises a kid that Paul O'Neill will hit two homeruns for him.  Elaine dates the wake-up service guy who she has never seen, but he's got dogs and Elaine has issues with dogs.  Jerry's health food kick offends Elaine's cousin who he's dating.

Interesting quote:

"You know, we slept head-to-toe so there was no funny business" - Elaine

"Yeah, but your genitals are still lined up." - Jerry

Grade: B

The Maestro (Ep. 703)

George tries to help a Security Guard who works in Susan's uncle's store because he looks tired.  He gets him a chair to sit on, but then he falls asleep while the place gets robbed.  Elaine dates Bob Cobb, a Maestro, who prefers to be called Maestro instead of his actual name.  Kramer sues a coffee company when he burned himself with their too hot coffee.  He hires Jackie Chiles and they are going to get a huge settlement until Kramer settles for free coffee from any location in the world instead.  Jerry and Kramer take a trip to Tuscany so that Jerry can prove to The Maestro that there actually is a place to rent in Tuscany.

Interesting fact: It's the first appearance of Jackie Chiles who is modeled after the famous Johnnie Cochran.

Interesting quote: "It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!" - Jackie Chiles

Grade: C

The Postponement (Ep. 702)

Elaine's dog problem is solved by a Rabbi with a public access cable show who lives in her building.  As a result, she confides some issues she has in him, but he tells them on his show, using her name.  George is starting to panic that he can't marry Susan and looks for a way to end it.  Fortunately, Jerry informs him that he can postpone it.  Unfortunately, Susan has a meltdown when he suggests it.  They are set for December but George wants to wait until March 21st because it's the first day of Spring.

Interesting quote: "You know spring?  Rejuvination, rebirth, everything's blooming.  All that crap!" - George

Grade: B (George's neurosis is a high level!)

The Engagement (Ep. 701)

George and Jerry make a pact to do something with their lives, namely grow up and get serious with relationships.  Kramer talks Jerry out of this silliness, saying marriage is like a man-made prison.  George visits Susan and after much negotiation convinces her to marry him.  Later, after discovering Jerry backed out, he rethinks his decision.  Elaine is bothered by a neighbor's barking dog and Newman and Kramer hatch a plan to kidnap the dog, but it goes awry and they all 3 get arrested.

Interesting quote: "I mean what are you thinking about Jerry, marriage? Family?  They're prisions!  Man-made prisons.  You're doing time.  You get up in the morning, she's there.  You go to sleep at night, she's there.  It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom.  'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!'  And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating." - Kramer

Grade: A (for the George and Jerry plot) D (for the Elaine, Kramer, and Newman plot)

The Understudy (Ep. 624)

Jerry and George are accused of personally injuring Bette Midler during a softball game so that she wouldn't be able to perform in the play Rochelle, Rochelle, and Jerry's girlfriend would get the part.  Kramer becomes Bette's assistant.  Elaine uses Frank to translate Korean because she suspects the lady who does her nails is talking bad about her.  It turns out that Frank had a relationship with the woman who owns the nail salon and rekindles it until he makes a move on her.  Also, Elaine meets J. Peterman and gets a job working at his magazine.

Interesting fact: This episode is the only time that Jerry talks directly to the camera.

Interesting quote: "Caught that, what is it, Beaches, on cable last night.  "Wind Beneath My Wings," huh?  Give me a break." - George, talking trash on the softball field to Bette Midler

Grade: B (Kramer's fascination with Bette Midler is...well, fascinating.)

The Face Painter (Ep. 623)

Jerry gets 4 tickets to a NY Rangers game from a friend and him, Kramer, Elaine, and Putty go.  They discover that Putty is a diehard NJ Devils fan and he paints his face in support of the team.  Jerry doesn't call and thank the guy for the tickets the next day and misses out on getting tickets more tickets.  George tries to tell his girlfriend that he loves her, but she doesn't respond.  Kramer gets in a fight with Barry the monkey at the zoo when he throws a banana peel at him.

Interesting quote:

"I saw Siena again last night." - George

"Siena?" - Elaine

"Yeah, George is dating a crayon." - Jerry

Grade: B (Kramer and the monkey)

The Diplomat's Club (Ep. 622)

Jerry's assistant mentions off-handedly that the pilot from his flight is in the audience for his show and it messes him up.  Later on the plane, she mentions something to the pilot and gets them kicked off the plane.  Elaine is going to quit working for Mr. Pitt until she finds out he's adding her to his will.  Unfortunately, he gets sick very suddenly and because of a mix up at the Pharmacy they suspect Jerry and Elaine are trying to kill him, so he fires her.

Kramer starts placing bets on incoming and outgoing flights while waiting to pick up Jerry at the airport.  George tries to prove to his boss that he's not racist by finding a black man to hang out with him.  After several failed attempts he resorts to calling the pest control guy, Carl, that Jerry used one time.

Interesting quote:

"Hey, Elaine's qutting" - Jerry

"Really?" - George

"I'm marching in." - Elaine

"I've done the march in.  Best feeling in the world" - George

"How about the march out?" - Elaine

"Not so good.  That's when you realize all the money you're losing." - George

Grade: C+ (It has it's moments)

Camping adventure

This past weekend, Kimberly and I went camping.  It was not her first time camping and it wasn't my first time camping, but it was our first time together and it was an adventure.  Honestly, I'm not an outdoors kind of guy.  I would really love to be, but as of right now I'm not.  So I'm not very adept with working camping equipment.  I had a mildly hard time setting up my very own tent that I've had for 6 years or so.  The latern that someone let me borrow took about an hour to get lit and the stove that they let me borrow I never got to work.  We eventually bought a one burner stove, and that sort of worked.

I hope that my time in the Peace Corp will help increase my knowledge and comfortability with the outdoors, but in the meantime I'm taking it one little trip at a time.

The Fusilli Jerry (Ep. 621)

Elaine is dating doofus mechanic David Putty, and he's getting Jerry a deal on his car repair.  Jerry happens to tell him about a sexual move and Putty uses it on Elaine.  She immediately tells Jerry and he asks Putty to stop using it within the city limits, Putty says he won't and that he won't work on Jerry's car anymore either.  Later he eventually agrees to let him use the move so that he can get a fair deal on the repairs.  George tries the move but ruins it and later writes the directions to the move on his hand to remember them.

Kramer has a mix up a the DMV and gets vanity tags that say ASSMAN.  He has to pick up Estelle Costanza from the doctors office after her eye surgery and accidently makes her think he's putting the moves on her.  She tells Frank and he gets into a fight with Kramer and inadvertantly falls on a statue of Jerry made by Kramer out of fusilli pasta.  This causes him to have to go to the proctologist where Kramer finds the owner of the liscence plate.

Interesting quote: "I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!" - Kramer

Grade: A- (One of the more bizarre episodes and those are usually the best)

Silly moves

So I was watching the NLCS last night, and just to preface I'm pulling for the Philadelphia Phillies, but I wouldn't be upset if LA won...it really doesn't matter to me. That all changed last night.

I am a lifetime fan of baseball, I understand the unwritten rules of "you throw at me, I'll throw at you", but last night was ridiculous. Early on in the game, Jamie Moyer of the Phillies hit Russell Martin of the Dodgers with a pitch...it seemed innocent enough, but apparently there was history from Game 2. So, the next inning Hiroki Kuroda of the Dodgers throws a pitch over the head of Shane Victorino. Victorino clearly informs him that it's fine if he hits him, but go for below the neck, not his head. He eventually grounds out to end the inning and Kuroda runs over to say something to him, but Victorino ignores him (good move).

Next thing you know, Manny is screaming and yelling at Victorino, and the benches have cleared and the Dodgers look like they want a fight. They talked about how the Dodgers were trying inject some energy, but in my opinion they were acting ridiculous. I'm definitely pulling for the Phillies now!

The Doodle (Ep. 620)

George gets upset when his girlfriend draws and unflattering doodle of him. Jerry accidentally eats a discarded pecan that his girlfriend sucked on and offends her, then she breaks it off when he would rather not brush his teeth than use her toothbrush. Jerry also discovers he has fleas in his apartment and has to put his parents, who are in town, up in a hotel room rented for Elaine. Kramer doesn't realize that Jerry's apartment is being fumigated and enters anyway making him lose his taste and wasting his precious Mackinaw peaches.

After George confronts his girlfriend he discovers that she doesn't care how he looks and declares that he has found the one. This ends abruptly when she sucks on the peach pit that he just got through eating. Elaine has a job opportunity at a publishing house, but loses the manuscript she was supposed to read and bombs the interview.

Interesting quote:
"Oh man did you see that? I ate discarded food?" - Jerry
"Well, I've done that" - George
"Yeah, but with you it's intentional" - Jerry

Grade: C+ (Good in moments and bad in others)

The Jimmy (Ep. 619)

George goes into business selling shoes that improve vertical leap with a guy who refers to himself in third person named Jimmy. Someone is stealing equipment from the Yankees and George is suspected because he is sweating from previously working out. Jerry notices that Tim Whatley has Penthouse magazines in his waiting area and thinks suspicious things are going on while he's gassed up.

Kramer is mistaken for an Able Mentally Challenged Adult when he's spotted on the street wearing the silly looking shoes that George and Jimmy are selling and is slurring his speech from the Novocaine he got at the dentist office. He's invited to sit at the head of the table of the AMCA benefit with Mel Torme (the velvet fog). Elaine has tickets for the event and mistakenly asks Jimmy because she thinks he's talking about someone else when he's talking in third person.

Interesting quotes:
"I'm going to see Mel Torme with him?" - Elaine
"Jimmy's going to put the moves on Elaine" - Jerry

Grade: A (Brilliant episode with Kramer as a "mentally challenged" adult)

The Doorman (Ep. 618)

Jerry offends the doorman at Mr. Pitt's building while waiting for Elaine and then later trying to make up for it offers to watch the door while he runs to grab a beer. After waiting for a while he leaves the post and when him and Elaine come down the couch in the lobby has been stolen. Jerry gets accused and has to replace it. He takes the pee stained couch back from George to put in the lobby, but Poppy sits on it again and again pees.

Frank has moved in with George since he and Estelle separated. Kramer and George accidently see George's dad without his shirt on and are disgusted to find out he has breasts. Kramer offers him some support with his invention "The Bro." Frank likes the idea, but wants to change the name to the Mansiere (a brassiere for a man). After pitching the idea to bra salesman Sid Farkus, Sid asks Frank if he can take Estelle out on a date and Frank gets upset and the whole deal goes back.

Interesting quote:
"He had breasts" - Kramer
"Well, a lot of older men get that" - Jerry
"No, these were real hooters!" - Kramer

Grade: B (Classic episode)

The Kiss Hello (Ep. 617)

Jerry dreads seeing Elaine's friend Wendy because she always kisses hello, so he starts denying the kiss hello.  George goes to see Wendy, who is a Physical Therapist, but then has to pay $150 because he didn't cancel 24 hours prior to the appointment.  Later he demands a refund because Wendy cancelled her appointment with him, but not 24 hours prior.

Jerry thinks that Leo put Nana in a rest home to silence her about $50 that he owes his mom.  Kramer starts getting people's pictures to put up in the lobby of the apartment building so that everyone knows each other.  Everyone likes this idea except for Jerry because now all the women want to kiss hello.  He starts refusing and soon has made enemies with everyone in the building.

Interesting quote: 

"I'm going on record right now, that was my last kiss hello.  I'm getting off the kiss program with her." - Jerry

"Why?" - Elaine

"Well, frankly, outside of a sexual relationship I don't see the point to it.  I'm not thrilled with all the handshaking either, but one step at a time." - Jerry

Grade: C+ (About as appealing as the kiss hello)

The Beard (Ep. 616)

Elaine pretends to be a girlfriend for a gay man so that his boss isn't suspicious.  Elaine likes him so much that she tries to get him to actually date her and give up his homosexual ways.  It works, but only for a brief time.  George is still wearing his toupee and Kramer thinks he looks good so he sets him up with an old friend.  It later turns out that she is bald and not interested in George so she rejects him.  Jerry dates a police officer who makes an off-handed comment about Melrose Place and Jerry lies saying that he's never seen it.  She doesn't believe him and so she puts him to a lie detector test and he's discovered.

Interesting quote: "When someone is lying, is it true that their pants are actually on fire?" - Jerry

Grade: C (Definite downturn from the recent episodes)

The Highlights of 100, Parts 1 & 2 (Ep. 614 & 615)

There's nothing really to say about this since it was just a clip episode, but I watched the extras and they mentioned a write up that NBC had done shortly after the show aired on their ideas about the show and viewers reviews of it as well.  Some of the comments were:

"Supporting cast aren't interesting enough to go on for more than a few shows and Jerry's a weak starring character."

"The show is contemporary, unusual, humerous, and appealing to young adults; therefore it is not something we're interested in at this time."

The Scofflaw (Ep. 613)

George finds out that, Gary, a mutual friend of his and Jerry's had cancer, but is upset because he didn't find out until after the fact because Gary couldn't trust him with the information.  To make up for it Gary tells him that he didn't really have cancer, but that shouldn't tell anyone.  Jerry drags it out of him and then is upset because he was so nice to Gary.  George contemplates buying a toupee.

Kramer realizes that Newman is a scofflaw that has been on the run for 16 years, so he convinces him to pay up on his parking tickets.  He does and as a consequence has to keep his car in a private lot and pay for the parking himself.  Elaine battles with Jake Jarmel over who has the upper hand and she eventually wins when she finds a pair of glasses that Jake thinks only he has.

Interesting quote:

"I've been living a lie." - Gary

"Just one?  I'm living like twenty." - George

Grade: B+ (Newman as the white whale is great)

The Race (Ep. 612)

Jerry is finally dating a girl named Lois, but he finds out that her boss is his arch nemesis Duncan Meyer from high school.  Apparently in high school Jerry had beaten Duncan at a race, but had actually gotten a head start.  Duncan's been trying to prove it ever since and so he threatens to fire Lois if Jerry doesn't race him.

Elaine is dating Ned, a communist, and accidently gets him blacklisted at his favorite Chinese restaraunt.  Ned also gives communist literature to Kramer and Mickey who are working as a mall Santa and elf, and Kramer really takes to it.  George responds to a personal ad in the Daily Worker (a communist newspaper) and his secretary rats him out to Steinbrenner.  Steinbrenner then sends him to Cuba to get a look at a Cuban pitcher since he's a Communist and has a way in.  Jerry wins the race, but again gets an unfair headstart.

Interesting quote:

"The Daily Worker has personals?" - Jerry

"Yeah, and they say that appearance is not important!" - George

"Yours or hers?" - Jerry

Grade: A (One of the most underrated episodes ever, but it's got Superman references, Communism and Kramer as Santa)

Never Again

Way back in 2004 when I was an uneducated young voter, I couldn't decide what to do when the Presidential election came up.  I didn't know who to vote for, so I decided on the "vote for the lesser of two evils" strategy.  I've regretted this move ever since and I don't feel comfortable with my decision to this day.  This year was running quickly toward a similar decision until I reminded myself of 4 years ago.  So I'm writing this to say...never again!  I don't know what I'll do, but I will not "settle" on a vote.  Like I've come to believe: A vote against one candidate is not necessarily a vote for the other one.

The Label Maker (Ep. 611)

Jerry has two tickets to the Super Bowl, but can't go because of The Drake's wedding, so he gives them to Tim Whatley.  As a nice gesture, Whatley gives Jerry a Label Maker, but Elaine realizes that it was the same one that she gave to Whatley.  Jerry wants the tickets back when he finds out that The Drake called his wedding off, but Whatley has already made plans and given one to Newman.  Later, The Drake thinks he can score with Elaine so he takes his ticket back and gives it to her, but when he finds out she's not interested he gives it back to Jerry.

Kramer and Newman engage in a looooong game of Risk, leaving the board in Jerry's apartment since he's neutral.  George's girlfriend has a male roommate and George feels threatened so he talks her into getting him to move out.  Unfortunately, the roommate owned all of the furniture so George is stuck with a girl he doesn't like that much and no furniture.  With no other options he suggests a Menage a Trois...but just like Jerry's try, it backfires and her and the roommate have actually talked about it.

Interesting quote: "If it were socially acceptable I would drape myself in velvet." - George

Grade: A- (The game of Risk and George's attempt at bailing out make this one a gem)

The Switch (Ep. 610)

George thinks his model girlfriend is bulemic and he needs a matron to find out if she is.  Luckily, Kramer's mom Babs is a matron and so him and Kramer go to see her.  In the process he finds out Kramer's first name...Cosmo.  She agrees to help George out, but Kramer ends up convincing her to quit and so George doesn't get her help and instead makes a fool of himself.

Jerry is dating a girl who doesn't laugh, but her roommate does.  He wants to do the roommate switch, but doesn't know if it can be done.  Him and George come up with a plan for him to suggest a Menage a Trois to his girlfriend, making her break up with him while intriguing the roommate, but it backfires when she likes the idea.  Elaine loans her Mr. Pitt's tennis racket to a lady who works for Doubleday Publishing, but she injures her arm while playing and Elaine can't get the racket back from her.  Kramer catches his mom with Newman.

Interesting fact: The first ever mention of Kramer's first name and it's just as unique as he is.

Interesting quote: "I'm not an orgy guy" - Jerry

Grade: B- (Legendary episode, but not consistently funny)

The Secretary (Ep. 609)

George gets to hire a secretary to work for him, but instead of doing the predictable thing and hiring a gorgeous secretary that he'll want to sleep with he hires a less attractive one that will work hard.  Unfortunately her amazing work ethic turns him on and he ends up having sex with her and promising her a raise.  He does get her a raise, but it turns out to be a $25,000 raise, making her better paid than him.  

Jerry thinks his Dry Cleaner is wearing his clothes that he's dropping off.  Kramer sells a suit to Bania, but then needs it back when he forgot that he had Uma Thurman's number in the pocket of the pants.  Elaine tries to return a dress to Barney's because the mirrors were deceptive into making her think the dress looked good on her when it really didn't.

Interesting quote:

"It's incredible six months ago you were taking messages for your mother." - Jerry

"And now someone's going to be taking messages for me." - George

"From your mother." - Jerry

Grade: B+ (One of the better one so far this season)

Amazing!

That's the only word I have to describe the date I went on with my wonderful wife last night.  It was the most fun that we've had (in my opinion) in a looooong time.  I can't wait for more nights like last night.

Good baseball!

The League Championship Series are here and they are hopefully not going to disappoint.  The Dodgers and Phillies meet up in the League Championship, teams that met up in this series 3 times between 77 and 83.  Let's hope they can renew their old rivalry and turn this into a great series.  Tampa and Boston met 18 times this season and 6 games were decided by one run and two went into extra innings.  Looks to be good.

The way I see it, no matter the outcome I'll be pleased with the American League team that makes it, even though I am pulling for Tampa Bay to win.

The Soup (Ep. 608)

Jerry recieves an Armani suit from fellow comedian, Kenny Bania, who he doesn't like very much.  In return Kenny says Jerry can take him out for a meal.  Elaine has a guy come and visit her from England and it turns out to be a disaster.  George goes for a walk with a waitress at Monk's and she lies and says that she has a boyfriend.  This infuriates him and causes him to try to get her fired so he can go back into Monk's without it feeling awkward.

Kramer gets rid of his refridgerator in an effort to eat only fresh food since his kidney stone incident.  Jerry takes Bania out to a meal, but he orders only soup and won't accept this as Jerry's "meal."  Later when Jerry buys him a soup and a sandwich at Monk's he says that it's supposed to be a nice dinner, but Jerry disagrees and just gives the suit to someone else so he won't have to deal with it any more.

Interesting quote: "I really like depriving myself of things.  It's fun.  Very monastic!" - Kramer

Grade: B+ (Kenny Bania, obnoxious and very funny)

The Mom and Pop Store (Ep. 607)

Kramer tries to help a Mom and Pop store stay in business, but instead drives them out.  Jerry can't figure out if he's invited to Tim Watley's pre-Thanksgiving party, and ends up crashing it, literally.  George buys what he thinks is Jon Voight the actor's car, but later finds out it's John Voight the Periodontist.  Elaine wins Mr. Pitt the chance to hold a rope of the Woody Woodpecker float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, something he's wanted since he was a little boy.

Interesting quote: "Oh look, there's Gregory Peck's bicycle and Barbara Mandrell's skateboard!" - Jerry

Grade: B

The Gymnast (Ep. 606)

Jerry dates, Katya, a former Olympic gymnast from Romania, but doesn't really like her because he has nothing to talk to her about.  Kramer convinces him that the sex will be great since she is so flexible, but it turns out that it's not.  George is caught by his girlfriend's mom eating an eclaire out of the trash and then after she gives him another shot, she spots him cleaning a man's windshield on the street.

Mr. Pitt gets hooked on a 3-D painting and can't tear away from it to go to a merger meeting so he sends Elaine instead.  She thinks the name for the new company after the merger is silly sounding so the people begin rethinking the merger.  Later she gets ink on Mr. Pitt's lip making him appear like Adolf Hitler.  Kramer has a kidney stone that becomes unlodged at the circus.

Interesting quote: "That sex will melt your face." - Kramer

Grade: C (Lacking)

The Couch (Ep. 605)

Jerry buys a new couch for his apartment and gives his old one to Elaine.  Elaine falls in love with the moving man.  George's girlfriend talks him in to joining a book club, but he fails to read Breakfast at Tiffany's and decides to rent the movie instead.  Kramer goes into business with Poppie creating a restaurant to make your own pizza pie.  Jerry and Elaine go to Poppie's current restaurant at Kramer's insistance, but Elaine causes an uproar when she decides to leave because Poppie is Pro-Life.

Elaine later finds out that her boyfriend is Pro-Life and has to leave him as well.  Poppie has to go into the hospital because Elaine disturbed his gastrointestinal disorder.  Later, Poppie comes over to Jerry's so Jerry can pay him for the meal they walked out on and Poppie pees on Jerry's couch.  This leads Jerry to have to get the couch back from Elaine.  Kramer and Poppie end up having belief differences and the restaurant doesn't work.

Interesting: "No games?  What is the point of dating without games?  How do you know if you're winning or losing?" - Jerry

Grade: B (Very creative way to talk about the abortion issue)

The Chinese Woman (Ep. 604)

Jerry tries to call George, but the lines are crossed and instead ends up talking to a woman named Donna Chang.  He is intrigued because he's always like Chinese girls, but then he finds out that she's not Chinese, or even Asian.  Elaine doesn't like her friend Noreen's new boyfriend because he chit chats on the phone so she starts hanging up everytime he answers.  This leads him to think Noreen is having an affair with another man and he dumps her.

George's parents are getting a divorce, which he finds out from Donna Chang who talked to his mom when the lines got crossed.  Later, after a long phone conversation Donna Chang convinces Estelle not to divorce Frank.  But after they meet and Estelle learns that Donna is from Long Island and not China, she doesn't like the advice and divorces Frank.  Kramer learns that wearing Jockeys is wearing his sperm out low.

Interesting quote: "I'm out there Jerry and I'm loving every minute of it!" - Kramer on not wearing Jockeys or Boxers

Grade: C (Ehh, could be much better)

The pledge Drive (E. 603)

Jerry's new girlfriend works for PBS and she wants him to come do a promotional thing for their pledge drive.  He also gets Kramer a job answering the phones and gets George to ask for a Yankee to come to the pledge drive.  Elaine spots Mr. Pitt eating a Snicker's bar with a knife and fork and soon the trend is catching on all over town.  

Jerry also thinks Elaine's friend Noreen is hitting on him, so when Elaine calls Noreen to ask she get's her high talking boyfriend, but thinks it's her.  This makes him mad because he thinks Noreen is flirting with Jerry and so he dumps her.  Jerry, with Kramer's urging, deposits old birthday checks that his Nana had written to him and they bounce causing a long string of bad things to happen to Nana.

Interesting quote:

"What I get a percentage of every pledge I bring in, right?" - Kramer

"No, it's not aluminum siding.  It's volunteer work." - Jerry

Grade: B- (Not really a fan of this episode)

Guest Post

Nick is the best husband ever! I love you babe and hope you are having a fantastic day!

xoxo--Beautiful

The Big Salad (Ep. 602)

George is dating Julie, but gets upset when she takes credit for buying Elaine a Big Salad.  Jerry finds out that his current girlfriend once dated Newman and that he broke up with her.  This drives him insane and he eventually can't even kiss her because of the thought that Newman found her unacceptable.  Elaine is hit on by a Stationary Store worker.  Kramer goes to blows with a golfing partner and later that guy is accused of murdering a dry cleaning worker.  After he's arrested, he escapes and Kramer takes him, in a white Ford Bronco, on a low speed chase down the New Jersey Turnpike.

Interesting quote: "Yeah, he's a mystery wrapped in a twinkie." - Jerry about Newman

Grade: B- (The chase scene in the Bronco is awesome!)