The Nose Job (Ep. 309)

George is dating a girl who is perfect except for the fact that she has a big nose. He doesn't want to tell her because he knows that is the only thing keeping her from being with someone better. Finally, Kramer being Kramer just flat out tells her, "you just as pretty as any other girl, you just need a nose job." This gets her thinking and pretty soon she decides to get a nose job. George has mixed reactions for obvious reasons, but is overall excited. The big day comes for her to remove the bandages and it's bad. The doctor has messed everything up and her nose has caved in. This is too much for George to handle and he breaks up with her.

Jerry meets a girl on an elevator using a random pick-up line, but now can't stand her but can't end it because he loves the sex. After so long though, his brain and his penis have a battle and his brain wins...he breaks up with her.

Kramer is still stuck on getting this jacket back from his mom's ex-boyfriend. He gets Elaine to pretend to be the guy's daughter and she goes to get the jacket from his apartment. He gets the jacket back and he ends up with George's ex-girlfriend when it's all said and done.

Interesting facts: We first learn Kramer's mom's name...Babs.

Interesting quote: "You know, I'm responsible for the crop circles in England." - Jerry's pick up line

Grade: B- (Kind of funny in spots)

The Tape (Ep. 308)

Jerry listens to a tape of his show only to find some woman has left a sultry message on the tape anonymously. He, George, and Kramer are stunned at this and can't get enough. Later, Elaine confesses to George that it was her on the tape, but makes George swear not to tell Jerry. This only leads George to develop a sudden attraction for Elaine.

George orders a hair cream from China that is supposed to help him regrow his hair, but it stinks and he's embarassed to have it on with Elaine around. Pretty soon, he can't hold out any longer and he not only tells Jerry that he's attracted to Elaine, but that Elaine was the voice on the tape. This drives Jerry and Kramer to the same craziness as George and they look at Elaine in a whole new light.

Interesting quote: "I'd like to slide my tongue all over your body like a snake." - Elaine (voice on the tape)

Grade: B- (only moments were funny, overall it kind of dragged)

The Cafe (Ep. 307)

Jerry feels bad for a Pakistani restaurateur named Babu Bhatt who seems to be unsuccessful so he visits his restaurant. He makes several suggestions, one of which is to change the menu from strange American food (franks and beans) to an all Pakistani menu. Babu agrees that this is a very good suggestion and promptly closes down his restaurant to readjust it to a Pakistani restaurant. Not good, nobody shows up and Babu eventually has to shut down the restaurant altogether.

George's girlfriend, Monica, is a Psychology student who wants to give him an IQ test as part of her research. George for obvious reasons is terrified of this thought. He confides to Jerry that his 1409 on the SAT is a lie, but doesn't say what the real score is. He convinces Elaine, who claims a 145 IQ, to take the test for him. She decides to take it in Babu's cafe, but ends up getting distracted by Kramer and Babu...she gets an 85. She talks George into asking for a retake so she can improve her score. He gets the test for her again and she takes it in Jerry's apartment, but this time is held up by Kramer hiding out in Jerry's apartment. She doesn't finish in time and Monica finds out. She does learn at the end of the show that she got a 151.

Kramer is hiding from a man who wants the jacket that Kramer is wearing. Kramer says the guy was a boyfriend of his mom's and left it at her place over 2 years ago. He doesn't want to give it up because it gets him the ladies. In the end, the guy gets the jacket back.

Interesting fact: Brian Georges who plays Babu is not Pakistani, but British.

Interesting quote: "You are one fascinating man, George Costanza." - Monica

Grade: B

The Parking Garage (Ep. 306)

Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer are lost in the parking garage at a mall in Jersey. Not really lost, but they can't find Kramer's car. Kramer is carrying around a massive air conditioning unit, Elaine has a goldfish, George has to meet his parents in front of his building at 6:15 (it's 5 when they leave the mall), and Jerry has to pee. Kramer eventually hides the air conditioner while they walk around looking for the car. He convinces Jerry to pee in a corner of the parking garage by telling him that he's too cautious, and Jerry gets caught by mall security. Elaine leaves to look on a different level, and while she's gone, Kramer convinces George to pee in a corner of the garage also. He too gets caught by the same security guard.

Jerry and George get released by the security guard and find Elaine, who is hysterical because her goldfish is dying. They walk around continuing to look for the car and all the while asking people to drive them around the deck. Nobody seems willing to do it for them, until a woman George is attracted to agrees to do it. Somehow they make her mad and she slams on the brakes forcing them to get out. Luckily, she dumps them out right in front of Kramer's car. Still no Kramer, but he shows up a minute later with his air conditioner. It is now 7:45 and George is late to meet his parents. They get in the car to leave, but the car does not start.

Interesting fact: First appearance of Kramer driving a car. The car not starting at the end was not in the script. The car was just such a piece of junk, when they finally got in it, it wouldn't start. It obviously worked perfectly for the show.

Interesting quote: "I don't carry around pens, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum." - George

Grade: A- (Not as funny as The Chinese Restaurant, but still very intelligent writing)

A sad day for the Atlanta Braves...

As if things weren't going bad enough for the Braves, this morning it was announced that long time announcer Skip Carey died in his sleep. The son of famous Cubs announcer, Harry Carey, Skip had been announcing Braves games since the late 70s. We'll miss you Skip.

"Braves win, Braves win!"

The Pen (Ep. 305)

Jerry and Elaine go down to his parents condo in Florida so that Jerry can give a speech for a ceremony that his dad is being honored at. What starts things off is a visit from Jack Klompus a "friend" of Morty Seinfeld's who is also emceeing the event. He pulls out an astronaut pen (you can write upside down with it) and Jerry comments on how neat it is. He offers it, Jerry refuses, he insists, Jerry refuses again, he offers one more time, and Jerry takes it. This turns out to be a mistake as Jack starts gossiping around the complex that Jerry pretty much took it from him.

Elaine meanwhile ends up sleeping on a pull out sofa that causes her so much back pain she can't go scuba diving with Jerry. Jerry goes anyway and ends up busting capilaries in his eyes giving him two black eyes. Elaine then takes muscle relaxers so that she can go to the ceremony and Jerry is wearing sunglasses to cover up the black eyes. Before the ceremony, Elaine meets Jerry's Aunt Stella and launches into an imitation of Rocky Balboa yelling out, "Stella, Stella!"

Jerry eventually gives the pen back to Jack to stop all the fuss, and Morty gets upset that Jack would take the pen back. This causes them to have an all out fight at the ceremony that puts the Seinfeld's at risk for being kicked out of the community. Elaine sees a chiropractor who tells her she can't go anywhere for 5 days, forcing them to stay longer.

Interesting fact: This is the only episode of the entire series that didn't have George in it. Apparently, Jason Alexander threatened to leave the show if he was written out of another episode.

Interesting quote: "This better be good, I'm missing the Golden Girls for this." - Jerry's Aunt Stella

Grade: A (One of my favorites of all time! Good the whole way through)

The Library (Ep. 304)

Jerry is being investigated by the library detective because of a book, Tropic of Cancer, that he supposedly didn't return in 1971. They go down to the library to sort things out and George thinks a bum on the library steps is his and Jerry's old gym teacher from 8th grade. Mr. Heyman, the gym teacher used to call George "Can't Stand Ya" instead of Costanza and he also gave him a wedgie, prompting George to tattle on him and get him fired. Kramer also gets involved with the Marion, the librarian. Jerry eventually remembers that he gave the book to George right before he got his famous wedgie from Mr. Heyman and that Heyman must have gotten the book. George goes to confront the bum on the library steps to see if it's Mr. Heyman,and he ends up getting a wedgie from him...an atomic one.

Interesting fact: This is the first episode to feature Jerry's bike hanging on the wall in his apartment.

Interesting quote:
"Boys are sick." - Elaine
"What do girls do?" - Jerry
"We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder." - Elaine

Grade: B+ (Very good episode...Can't Stand Ya!)